GREMLINS, BEEHIVES & NAPOLEON
I’m four months away from marrying a very cool dude. Said very cool dude is 6”4 tall though, I look like a bogie next to him. You can easily imagine how these past couple of years had me developing a case of Napoleon Syndrome – I stomp and bark quite a lot. I’m like a gremlin you fed after 12am (and the resemblance involves more than the character, think similar height and hair style – now call me Franklin please).
So it’s all about finding ways to trick you into thinking I’m some sort of 6” tall chilled chick.
Oh by the way, quick parenthesis, I need to vent you see! Speaking about getting married, we sent the invites last week – Shit’s getting oh SO real I need to sit down and
sip down a glass of Côtes du Rhône. Being super lazy green, we sent e-vites and filmed ourselves as we clicked, together, the send button. Someone get us a life please (and a high-five for saving trees).
Anyway, back to my Napoleon meets a fed Gremlin syndrome; I had to learn a few tricks to gain fictional inches. Starting with a high-waist – why do you think I bother with them so much? Erm hello-oo?! Tamed tummy and longer legs – can’t believe you haven’t signed up yet!
But these won’t allow you on the big boys’ ride, you need to be cheekier than that! Hence the massive beehive I’m carrying on the top of my head. It’s just a quick 2mns hairdo where you tie up your hair in a bun (and you can pad it if you want it big) and wrap it in a scarf. Simple, yet it completely transforms your silhouette in a very sophisticated way. We shouldn’t settle for anything else now should we?!
But now the secret is out, I have tiny weeny ears (that I intend to compensate with a bright orange Lamborghini when I’m a grown up, as you do)
Oh and I’ve finally made peace with white shoes. Long gone are the days when I thought they were just plain rank. Rumour has it, I might even rock a pair on my wedding day.
Bags of smooches,