DRAGONS DENS & LESSONS OF 2016

Guys, I haven’t written in so long. I mean written, written. That’s because 2016 (since that’s where we’re getting, eh) has been such an odd one. As you might know, I’ve moved to Geneva last May, and it’s been the loneliest it’s ever been. Oh and I was pregnant, so the hormones didn’t help make it less of a mind fuck. So I guess because of all the changes, mental struggle and the constant monologues, I’ve lost track of myself a bit. I was so consumed by this tiny world of mine that all the conversations were happening there, and not on here. But I got out, and it’s time to look at 2016 cause as much as it was hard, it was full of successes and blessings. But most of all, it was life. None of the hardships were cases of Oh why is that happening to me now? No, they were just normal stages of life as one navigates through it, through womanhood, and 2016 was part of the process of going through some of these stages. It got so challenging at times that I have to make it worth it by looking for the lessons it allowed me to learn and the time it’ll potentially save me in the future, that’s if I learn that is.

 

So what were they?

Respect your comfort zone

Moving to Geneva happened completely out of the blue, I mean a year ago today we didn’t know it was going to happen. I had just launched the SHE Unleashed Workshop, we had a really cool press launch on the 13th of Jan in London, which after almost 5 years was really starting to feel like home. Home IS London. I have my besties there, a really cool work network, my feel-good places, I have a very good knowledge of the bus map and for some reasons I’m quite smug about it. London IS home. My comfort zone, yet I wasn’t really respecting it in hindsight. When I miss my friends now, or wish I could grab a quick sandwich or a glass of wine with a friend or even someone I’d just met because networking in London is fun and I’d always meet very interesting women, well I remember that I wasn’t making that much effort while I was there. Now I know that when I move back I’ll make it an even better place for myself, by being much more spontaneous and by getting more involved in my various relationships. Getting out of your comfort zone is a needed thing, but so is respecting it and giving it your all.

 

Women are full of shit

We genuinely are. I was moving country, so I decided to start a new business at the last minute in case moving to Geneva meant I couldn’t work as much or organise the workshops I had just launched, and at that stage I thought well might as well chuck pregnancy in the mix of new life experiences since the movies make it look like a walk in the park. Usually the lady gets a little nauseous, runs out of the meeting room to briefly be sick but comes back just as quickly, looking very refreshed and content. And it also seems like the lack of sleep and the bags under the eyes only turn up once the baby’s born soooo I have 9 months to work my ass off until I turn into a mother and become all of a sudden enlightened about life and its meaning but also about me and who I really am, right? Well that’s a heavy load of bullshit.  Pregnancy is a life blessing, but it can also be much much harder than some people will make it seem. I puked my guts for two solid months and ended up in hospital for dehydration, I stopped sleeping at month 5 cause at that stage I was hooked on sparkling water (most boring craving of all times) and spent my nights peeing, oh and I broke my arm in the most pathetic fall. And as much as my son is the most gorgeous baby I’ve ever seen (and the tiniest set of toes known to mankind), I still walk through life quite clueless about what I’m doing. Oh and breastfeeding is a crusade in itself, but don’t you dare give up or the internet will crucify you.

Why do we lie? I’m not too sure, it must be guilt since society spoon feeds us with it, so we don’t come across ungrateful wingers, or weak, because after all we’re women and suffering, along with bearing children, is kind of our whole life purpose summed up.

 

My new rule of thumb: everything that makes me feel like I’m shit at womanhood and/or life in general, is made up bullshit.

 

It’s not a race

Both Hollywood and Instagram had me believe that pregnancy and motherhood would have hit me with a massive epiphany by now. Well it hasn’t really happened, but the change of pace really got me rethinking a few things. If you know me I’m obsessed with work, my dream is to build successful businesses, and that’s pretty much my hobby, along with watching Dragons Den and brainstorming with my friends on WhatsApp. I’m a bore, but a hundred mile an hour bore. So when my body stopped keeping up, when I couldn’t work while it seemed like everyone around me was moving forward fast (and noticing that I wasn’t, of course, otherwise it makes the paranoia a tad less fun, doesn’t it?) I hit the ground real hard. Luckily my friends were there to give me the real talk, I was being a total d*ck, I was not being slow I was growing a human life. And it’s not a race, it never is, it’s definitely a journey. OMGGG wait! Have I just had THE epiphany?!

 

 

Right, I’ve already chatted too much, can I just say that I’ve loved it though.

I’m not sure why exactly but I had grown scared of writing last year, I think it’s because of that last thing I was touching on, feeling like I was going too slowly made me doubt my capabilities. I’m no writer unlike so many good bloggers (says the woman who keeps on saying there’s no room for comparison…) and English is not my native language (typical self-sabotage related excuse). But I’ll blame it on the hormones, I’m feeling so much more unleashed in 2017. I have this new excitement, it’s boiling inside of my guts, there’s so much I want to do and achieve this year and you should see much more of me so make sure you say hi 🙂

 

There were quite a few other things I wanted to talk about, I wanted to talk to you about my anxiety, fear of change and more, but I’ll spread it all across several other posts. I’ve genuinely missed blogging, I hope you guys are still reading!

 

Freddie x

 


Outfit details

Dress  Zara – similar-ish here

Boots: Vagabond at Zalando

Hair: Big Hair No Care

Socks: Topshop


 




By Freddie

Paris-born, London-based All smiles sass bag, personal stylist, confidence consultant & Top UK fashion blogger. I help women claim their confidence and power back through workshops and videos. Frankie's not my name.

Comments (38)
  1. Carol February 2, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    You look so gorgoues!! Having just had a baby 6 months ago, you hit the nail on the head with exactly how I was feeling too!! Motherhood is beautiful but so hard, it’s refreshing to hear other mothers being honest about it! Looking to your 2017 goals!

    • Freddie February 8, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      Congratulations my fellow sister mama!!! We get fed so many lies ahah, I’m pleased you liked this post, and good luck with motherhood – we got this ahah! xx

  2. Nokuthula February 2, 2017 at 7:38 pm

    Two things.
    1. Welcome back! I did miss traveling in your mind!
    2. This is beautiful, you are beautiful, your journey is too.

  3. Maria February 2, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    You’re an inspiration. Have been following your instagram and have seen some of your videos during the last year. I am in the process of launching me own start-up business very soon, and its really exciting cause I love and enjoy what I am creating right now, but at the same time its kind of scary cause it looks so big! I would say that what the world really needs now is more real stories (like this) to be shared, of authentic people and how they succeed in life by believing in themselves and pursuing their dreams despite the difficulties on the way. Keep it up, would love to meet you one day. And btw your writing is very good (you dont have to be called a writer). x

    • Freddie February 8, 2017 at 6:12 pm

      Would love to meet you too!! I love a entrepreneure! And I’m going to write a lot more about my journey with Big Hair No Care (cause the business of the blog is not very relatable I think). I actually have a post coming this week about my anxiety and this “eyes on the prize” culture we have that stops us from enjoying the journey and the hustle of launching a business! Anyway, I’m happy to have you as a reader, and thanks so much for taking the time to leave this encouraging comment!! xxx

  4. Christine February 2, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    I really needed to read this, thanks a lot, this has encouraged me so much.

  5. Mathilde M February 2, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Contente de te relire dear, et de lire un article pareil, je passe un peu par la même phase en ce moment, du coup ça fait du bien, vraiment … Et je suis en train de me demander pourquoi je recommence pas à écrire !!!

    (Et si ça peut te rassurer, pour moi t’es toujours ma copine grâce à laquelle je me la raconte par procuration : “Freddie ? Ah tu veux dire Fred ! Pardon parce qu’en fait c’est ma pote de lycée, ouais ouais elle est aussi belle et cool en vrai, OUAIS JE LA CONNAIS, SALUT !”, MWA AH AH AH :p !)

    Love !

    • Freddie February 8, 2017 at 6:08 pm

      Non mais toiiiiii il faut à tout prix que tu écrives, t’es tellement douée! J’ai trop hâte de te relire!!
      LOL je me la raconte tellement aussi, non mais j’ai ma pote avocate au barreau de Paris, ouais ouais (OMG rappelle toi cette histoire de photos postée sur FB ya des années, à m’écouter j’avais ma propre avocate sur speed dial ahahah) Tu me manques ma Mathou!!! Viens me voir stp!!

  6. Kozee G February 2, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    I gasped when I read “women are full of shit” and then I leveled with myself. The truth is often uncomfortable so thanks for putting it out here so eloquently. I hid in the bathroom to read this post , my time is up, gotta go

  7. Esther February 2, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    First time on your blog! I’ve been following you on insta for a couple months now. Can I just say I love you ? And you are so badass (even though you don’t always feel like it).

    I’ve really enjoyed reading this and I appreciate your authenticity. I’ll be coming here more often 🙂 ❤

  8. Sarah February 2, 2017 at 10:29 pm

    I’m still reading! Such an eloquent and relatable post. 2017 looks great on you!

  9. Kristen Stanton February 2, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    Hi Freddie, I’ve been following you on Instagram for sometime now. I also recently just had a baby, 2 weeks ago to be exact. I feel a sort of camaraderie with you. As a young black mother without many friends around, I can admit I spent too much time during my pregnancy on insta comparing myself to others, including yourself. This post was quite inspirational, and we’re all still reading. Keep up the good work. I can’t wait to see the new posts.

    • Freddie February 8, 2017 at 6:05 pm

      Hey lovely Kristen! Massive congrats on the new baby, I hope you’re recovering well! I totally see what you mean re the camaraderie, and it definitely helps to think that you can relate, makes me feel less lonely ahah! And thank you for reading, means a lot me xxx

  10. Stephanie February 3, 2017 at 3:28 am

    Welcome Back

  11. Lusungu Kalanga February 3, 2017 at 7:54 am

    Wow! What a beautifully honest post. You are so gorgeous. This year on my bucketlist, I have :buy big hair from big hair no care and attend a she unleashed event. Missed you at Tedx Brighton.
    Can’t wait for your next post! Keep shinning!

    • Freddie February 8, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      OMG you’re supporting me on every single thing!!! I’m too lucky, thank you so much!!! All the best to you my darling, and thanks so much for the love xxx

  12. Tammy February 3, 2017 at 8:30 am

    Hello Frankie,

    It goes without saying (but I’ve never let that stop me before) but I just adore you! Your pull yourself up by the bootstraps attitude is so refreshing! I’m a New Yorker living in Grenoble, France, a naturalista and a writer like you. Also like you I’ve felt a bit displaced in my new home as New York was home home for 32 years! I’ll be 34 in June. My question to you is firstly, why did you move to Geneva? Secondly, as I’d love to attend one of your workshops, will you be delivering any workshops in the upcoming months?

    Tammy

    • Freddie February 8, 2017 at 6:02 pm

      Thanks sooooo much! Although I’m no writer come on ahah! I’ve never been to Grenoble but I reckon that anywherewould feel like a shock coming from NYC! I moved to Geneva for Tom, my husband, he got offered a job here (I wrote about it last year) so we thought why not!! Not sure re the workshops yet as I’m also relaunching my hair extensions brand and focusing more on this blog. So when it comes to workshops I mostly do private gigs that brands or companies book me for but I will definitely try to organise a few this year – bear with me!! xxx

  13. Ruru February 3, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Love the new look for the website keep moving mama bear, definitely appreciate your honesty !

  14. Nyachomba February 5, 2017 at 2:47 pm

    I loved this post, I just moved away from home, found out I was pregnant and having to adjust to being somewhere new! We have to believe we are super-women, and make the best of every situation!

    Your English is great by the way!

  15. kamanda February 5, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    You look amazing on that dress. The entire look is stunning. I can see myself in your story cause I ‘ll be experimenting a new life in few weeks and I am scared. But that feeling gives me life at the same time. I don’t know Geneva at all (never been there) but I know a little about London and “Oh Gosh ” I get what you mean.

  16. Ranya February 5, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    I’m so glad you are back Freddie!
    Ranya

  17. Bee February 7, 2017 at 5:42 am

    Hey Freddie,

    Your posts are really inspiring and helpful! I’ve been checking in from time to time to see if you’ve recently posted. Glad to see you’re back and well <3

  18. Happyblacky February 9, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Hi Freddie, this is mild reminder from someone who admires your work. You are light! You are beautiful, inspiring, confident, and a strong woman! I’m sending love and light your way. Never stop inspiring and never stop being you xxx

  19. Alex March 8, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    Hey Freddie, I don’t normally comment on blogs, I like to read and admire from afar, but I just gotta say AMEN to this! I have my own business and I have a 2 year old and it’s bloody hard. Throw some social media on top of that and you can end up feeling all kinds of shit, but like you say, it’s all bullshit anyway and you have to keep remembering that. I was thinking the other day about getting back on the blogging wagon and writing something not so disimilar to this, but I think you’ve said it in a much better way than I ever could. Give yourself some credit for pushing out a beautiful little human and be kind to yourself as i’m sure you’ve already been told. It’s tough I know and I have these conversations with myself nearly every day as i’m being covered in food, bogeys, pen, spit, etc….. Oh the glamour! You’re an inspiration and have certainly motivated me to get back on the blogging / vlogging wagon! Alex x

  20. Ariyal March 20, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    Your honesty is refreshing!

  21. Susan March 22, 2017 at 9:19 pm

    Fabulous blog & love this post – very inspiring 🙂 I have my own business & 3 kids & its bloody hard work! My youngest are 2 + 3 🙂 Your doing amazing & look amazing (LOVE LOVE LOVE that dress) xxx

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